Cross' Bees
by strawberri mochi
Summary: Ever wondered about the story behind Burt’s Bees lip balms? What is so special about this young gentleman and his bees, if indeed he is young? And what do vampires have to do with lip balm when their lips are forever icy and red? Rated T for language.


**A/N: ****This is a collab fic between the two great minds of strawberrimochi and l'Auroskyre so be sure to look at both of our profiles for more to read! We don't own anything sadly so don't sue! Even if you did sue, you'll get nothing because we're poor college students trying to get by with what we have!**

**Disclaimer: We totally own Touga and Cross! And later on, Kaname and Zero will be ours as well! By the time you are done reading this fic, VK's rights will be handed to us and we will make of it as it should be....a yaoi. Muhahahaha!!**

_Have you wondered about the story behind those lip balms and lotions of Burt's Bees? Who is Burt anyways? And what is so special about this young gentleman and his bees, if indeed he is young? And what do vampires have to do with lip balm when their lips are forever icy and red?_

_It was a day like any other day at Cross Academy. Kaien Cross sighed as he sat in his little makeshift garden under his private balcony. Perfect...the sunshine gently kissing his face, the birds song gracing his ears, and the slight buzzing of bees. Everything was just from a dream, Kaien smiled at the thought. Rare in his day and age, but he was willing to milk whatever peace came his way-_

_" OUCH!"_

_The shawled man gave a soft, fond smile to himself before rubbing ointment on his arm for the fifth time. The new bee sting added to the other four red dots that had been a result of the said insect's other relatives on their hunt for lunch. _

_"And that will be the fifth one...." he added to himself. _

_Just as he was about to close his eyes again to enjoy the utopia he had been basking in, a handful of papers were shoved in his face._

"_Read this and tell me what you think. It's my new novel." _

_Cross bleakly snapped open one eye to look at the intruder who was blocking his sun. The human chimney of a vampire hunter impatiently gestured the headmaster to read his work while he puffed out another chain of smoke._

_" But I'm on my break! Can't this -" _

_"Just do it you doitering fool. I haven't all day. I'm sending this to the publishing company in a week's time. But I want some feedback first." _

_He jabbed the blonde man on the forehead._

_Cross growled and snatched the manuscript and gave it a quick glance. Without even turning the page, he gave the papers back the owner._

_"It's beautiful. I like it. Here you go. Now let me enjoy the sun as a human should." With that, the blonde man slouched back into his chair and tried to relax once more._

_"Read. It. You good for nothing female stuck in a male body," Toga Yagari leered back. _

_He jostled his rifle as it slipped from his shoulders. He hesitated and then added_

_"If you do, I'll promise to be your new dish guinea pig for a week."  
_

_He hated to be so weak, but he was desperate for feedback other than his editor's. What good person to get this from than his best friend?_

_As he had thought, the blonde immediately shot up from his seat, mischief gleamed in his eyes. " Really really?" he smiled cheekily at the hunter before him. Yagari could only give a sigh as he realized the horror he just subjected himself to. Well, desperate times call for desperate means..._

_" Yes!!" Cross squealed as he jumped up and did a little dance, sparing himself with little to no dignity._

_Touga could merely palm his forehead as the former much feared legendary vampire hunter pranced gaily in front of him. The idiot...he could only hope that he wouldn't have to spend the entire month recovering in a hospital..._

_The former vampire hunter wasn't just feared for his hunting skills. Already Yagari could feel his stomach give a little lurch as a not so distant memory of "creamed stew" swam into his mind. Oh what he got himself into...._

_"Why didn't you say so earlier?" the blonde man chided. "Come now, let us venture into the kitchen and review this manuscript on full stomachs." With that, he grabbed the other man and excitedly dragged him towards the cooking area._

_"Already....." his friend groaned in defeat. He sighed and only hoped that he lived long enough to see his novel published before following. At the very least, he should have written a will in one of the pages to leave everything to vampire hunter Kiriyuu Zero if he died at the hands of this insane headmaster. He glumly entered the kitchen gingerly and barely listened as the other man rattled off ingredients and took out a cauldron._

_For anyone with a sense, that should have been a warning sign enough to run out the door._

_"Wait. I asked you first. I won't agree to any of this if you don't give me feedback on this new novel first." Yagari folded his arms across his chest __tried to act nonchalant as he shakily lit another cigarette._

_"Why, I'm surprised you would think so lowly of me! To cheat my own best friend!" an aproned Cross looked accusingly at his companion, hurt._

_Of course Yagari didn't clarify that it was his life was at stake and that this new "creamed stew" could very well be his final meal._

_"And don't you have any manners? Don't smoke in kitchens! Kitchens are for the culinaries of a man who has devoted centuries to perfecting his cooking techniques just as papers are for people with no--I mean for wonderful writers like you," he finished. "Don't ever smoke in my kitchen." _

_If from the start of this story that there was a time that Kaien Cross was to be feared or at least taken seriously, the time would be now. No one disturbs Cross' kitchen. _

_Yagari Touga gave a silent prayer as he watched the madman hack away at numerous...what looked like partially edible goods. Never...again...if he shall live._

_Of course life was not kind to the hunter. In no less than half an hour, he was seated at the table with a steaming bowl of white mush staring up at him innocently._

_" Well?" the headmaster stared expectantly at him as he held the spatula in one hand. _

_Large innocent...not innocent. The hunter looked away, unable to look at the blonde in the eye. He grimaced as his gaze wandered back to the very substance that could kill him. _

_Yes...Yagari Touga was about be murdered by a bowl of white mush after the twenty years he lived on the edge slaying dangerous blood sucking vampires._

_._

_He picked up the spoon and was about to meet his execution until...what the hell...he swore he saw something move inside the indescribable mass of...sick._

_The hunter prodded the movement weakly and even snapped up his eyepatch to expose the non-functioning eye in an attempt to verify his finding. Though the covered eye had been long rendered useless, he wanted another confirmation that there indeed something wiggling within that gloppy white mass._

_There was no more movement this time. Just white chunks of something......mixed with....... something.....on top of.......something else, was the best he could describe it._

_Maybe I was just hallucinating from a lack of sleep, his mind offered futile attempts to explain the Unidentified Moving Object (UMO)._

_He scooped some of the dish up and took a whiff of the white mass._

_It smelled ok....almost edible.....It didn't smell like a dead rat like last time...._

_Maybe it was safe._

_Maybe he would live._

_He sent one last prayer to every God that he could think of from every religion and deposited the contents of the spoon into his mouth._

_His tongue frantically swirled around the introduction of the boiling UMO and his taste buds cried out in fear of having to identify the taste._

_He tried to quickly swallow Cross' cooking to avoid having to find out what was in his mouth but even the hunter had trouble with hot foods._

_Yagari tentatively licked some of the smooth substance in his mouth and determined that to be the "cream". At least one of the chunks was a slice of potato. He was almost positive of this.....for he used to eat potatoes with Zero when he was younger. He could still picture Zero's tiny, imploring eyes asking him to buy more store-brought cream potato mixes for dinner every weekend._

_As last, he chewed thoughtfully through something that resembled rice and swallowed._

_Eyes became as wide as golf balls as its owner tasted in shock._

_Cross' cooking was, at last, edible. Praise the Lords! Holy Mother of Gods!_

_Then another thought nudged him._

_"What the hell...........is this a store-brought Cream Potato mix?! The kind that Zero likes?!" _

"Ah, very good my friend. It is indeed," a child-like Cross grinned impishly.

Yagari had a stringful of colorful words backed up but was interrupted with the other man's.

"Well, I had to make sure you'll stay for dinner again, didn't I? This was only a test run. You said that you'll test MY cooking, as in my inventions, not something store-brought. In other words, you still owe me all your meal times until next week," the cook replied smugly.

**Review or else Touga will kill you at dinner tomorrow! See you in Chapter two!**


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